Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
