He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
