We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
