Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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