i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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