so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
