peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
