I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
