I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
