I cockslap morals
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
