Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
