he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
