So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
