We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
