I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
