its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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