i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
