I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
