life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
