3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
