R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
