Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
