I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
