True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
