Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
