I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
