Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
