can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
