I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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