someone threw a dead crab at me
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
