That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
