I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
