Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
