...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
