Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
