some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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