We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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