I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
