WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
