he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
