Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
