oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
