i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
