Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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