Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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