Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
