i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
