Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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