But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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