It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
