Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
please come you make the beer taste better
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
