OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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