I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
