I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Operation Purity has been aborted
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
