Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
