I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
