I wanna bring you to show and tell
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
