Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
